This Is Not Who I Am.

just a little experiment, no deeper meaning to be divined…

 

This is not who I am.
I am not this.
Who I am is not this.
Who am I?

Who is this?
This is who.
I am not.
This am I.

I am this.
Not who.
This.
I am.
I am who this is not.
I am this, who is not?

M


Blog Banter 50 – Ch-ch-changes.

Well, here we are. I thought I should drag myself out of semi-retirement to pen something for this auspicious Blog Banter.

The topic, loose as it was and as I choose to interpret it, is change and our response to it.

I have no vested interest in the changes that are coming to EVE, I haven’t played in more than a year, I am however an interested observer, and the changes I see beginning in Rubicon are, in my estimation, only the tip of the iceberg. Add that to further deepening of the universe with Dust and Valkyrie (I will be playing Dust now that I have an HDMI monitor) and the possibilities are fathomless. Let’s look at some bullet points (pure speculation, off the cuff and with only the briefest of thought given to them, well some of them.):

  • Player owned customs stations in hi-sec, the beginning of the breakdown of NPC empire control?
  • Player owned customs stations in hi-sec and everywhere else combined with the new deployable structures, the beginning of orbital shanties? (an idea I’ve been kicking around in my skull for a while)
  • Dust is kicking up as much of it’s namesake as was hoped and the incessant combat will drive civilians off the surfaces of planets and into orbit providing an orbital labour force for the factories and structures that the shanties become.
  • The hint of building stargates…. I’ll just leave that to your imagination shall I?

My response to change is one of optimism and excitement, simply because the universe of EVE is spectacular, unique, rich, and contsantly evolving. There is no denying that EVE today is better than it was, CCP today are better than they were, and New Eden is the best it’s ever been. This is not to say that it’s been easy, change never is, but if the mistakes are learned from and used to guide future change then things can only improve.

EVE is not dying, EVE will never die, and it is change that will keep it alive. Whatever you think of each specific tiny tweak or monumental adjustment of mechanics, if change never happened, and the continuing evolution of New Eden was halted, then EVE would die. And none of us want that.

These are all long term prognostications, and make no comment on the mechanics or political fallout involved, mainly because I’ve been out of the game for too long. Whether I’m anywhere near the mark is yet to be seen of course, who knows what those crazy Icelanders have planned? Frankly I’m having fun just watching New Eden grow and the community expand to welcome all comers. I’m still around, and as I said I’ll be joining the battlefields of Dust in the near future. Maybe one day I’ll come back to EVE. She is however, a harsh mistress and demanding of more time, energy and inclination than I have.

So congrats to all participating in this milestone Banter. I look forward to reading your contributions,the next 50 banters, and the next decade of EVE and New Eden.

M out


Ennui

What is this Ennui?

Nothing excites.

Nothing Stimulates.

Nothing engages.

I can’t focus my attention and don’t know why. Everything is “meh”.

I can summon no enthusiasm and have nothing to strive for.

Music fails to capture me, either in experience or creation.

Everything is hard and requires an effort I can’t seem to summon.

I go on through lack of any other sensible option rather than a quest for some goal.

My will to act is drained and I let the world happen around me.

I feel that I merely exist in the world.

Apart from it instead of a part of it.

Disconnected.

Distracted.

Disenfranchised from my own life, unable to influence its path or or my experience of it.

What is this?

It’s not dark, but neither is it light.

There are no extreme emotional shades, just a grey fog of incapacity.


Transcendental?

Penultimate piece from  Moleskine Volume I. Describing an experience I had which was quite something. Something unexpected and, I think, transcendental. Read on for my thoughts on it. Continue reading »


The Flexibility of Consensual Reality

This piece follows pretty directly on from the last one. I don’t start dating and numbering entries until the next book but it almost flows directly from the notes of the last piece into the more verbose prose of this one. It ties into the idea of thinking about the language we use and why we use it, and how it can be used to manipulate us. Language lies at worst, and only tells part of the truth at best. We have to trust each other to be honest about our experience of the universe, and be as honest as we can ourselves. As laid out in the last piece

Continue reading »


Movember 2012 – Day One

A brief intermission from the transcription of my first Moleskine to announce my participation in Movember.

Movember is also known as Men’s Health Awareness Month (Movember is catchier though) and seeks to raise awareness of, and money for, men’s health issues, specifically prostate and testicular cancer.

To achieve this, men all over the world will be growing a moustache, myself included. If you want to find out more, sign up to participate, or make a donation see my Mo Bro page.

Here’s a pic of The Mo, Day One:

Movember 2102 - The Mo, Day One.

The Mo – Day One

Drop a comment if you’re a Mo Bro this year.


An Honest Morality

Another bit of thinking from what passes for a mind in this sack of meat and chemicals. :D  It follows a line of reasoning I’ve been picking at for a while, which starts from the assumption that reality, as we experience it, is a construct of our nervous systems and associated senses which translates it’s chaos and terrifying glory into something we can comprehend. The first filter is the point of contact; our senses. We can only hear a limited range of sounds, and see a limited range of the electromagnetic spectrum, so our view of reality is already restricted. This data is then filtered through our unconscious minds and edited according to a whole slew of psychological factors which we were either born with (animal fight or flight instinct, territoriality)  or had imprinted on us during our childhood (Basic morals and ethics, social conditioning). Finally, the language we use comes into play when we want to communicate our experience to others and they want to communicate theirs to us. We have to organise our thinking according to the rules (overt and unwritten) of that language. What we end up with is a picture of reality that is more revealing of ourselves than it is of real Reality.
So, this piece starts from the assumption that “Perception = Reality”, of which the inverse is not necessarily true,
 and forms the basis of an honest personal morality. We’ve no way of knowing unless we can experience it directly, without using our nervous systems and all the baggage they come with and forms the basis of an honest personal morality.
I have added and edited for clarity and to improve the flow, jotted as this was in short spurts between editing images of scary children’s nightlights it was rather disjointed, more like lecture notes than anything publishable. This is the first piece that I’ve done this for on any great scale, and I will inform you if I do it again to such a degree. Onwards!

Continue reading »


Who Are You?

If you’ve got me on Facebook then you’ll have seen this already, Included here for completeness.

Who Are You?

Who are you to tell me what to do?
You who takes so much more than your due.
The lies you tell are seen right through.
The world will rise and put an end to you.

Who are you to tell me what to say?
Your script; a bad morality play.
I’ll speak against you every day
We’ll get rid of you, we’ll find a way.

Who are you to tell me what to think?
When we’re all living life on the brink.
You believe to your level I’ll sink?
Well I don’t want to carry your stink.

Who are you to tell me how to live?
You do nothing but take and not give.
Is that something you think we’ll forgive?
Your time is a thing we’ll outlive.

Keith


Two Wolves

Inspired by something that popped up in my FB feed. One of those ‘feel good’ posts that seek to lift the spirits and provide some perspective on the world, but which, more often than not, are simply sickly and saccharine and make me cringe. This one made me think though and prompted the writing of the following.

Continue reading »


Feelings I

Something a bit meatier today, though still angst ridden and apprehensive. I wouldn’t want to change the habit of a lifetime now would I? It’s another long one. It comes from a period  a couple of months ago when I was contemplating giving up, cutting myself off from the source of my feelings of angst and anxiety and just admitting defeat. I’ve decided that I’m not that cowardly (as the publication of these works will attest, little steps though xD). Read on for the meanderings of a soul, while tortured, realises that his issues are small beans in a big world and that others have far more pressing concerns.

Continue reading »