Penultimate piece from Moleskine Volume I. Describing an experience I had which was quite something. Something unexpected and, I think, transcendental. Read on for my thoughts on it.
Had what can only be described as ‘an experience’ last night. I was on my way to bed, being briefly distracted by the internet, and listening to Rock Radio (which I can heartily recommend) when the Godfather theme, as performed by Slash came on.
The experience was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Close to orgasmic, shivers, ecstatic happiness, near weeping; all the physiologcial responses to a whole slew of positive emotions without a clear object. The music was what prompted it but it wasn’t about the music if that makes any sense. For a brief moment I was so happy to be alive and a part of the amazing universe we exist in. It was beautiful transcendental, and practically indescribable.
I find myself wondering now what it would be like to experience that at the point of orgasm. Unlikely any time soon (spanking the monkey isn’t the same, and you know it ;P) but now that I’ve accessed that kind of experience once I should be able to figure out how to find it again.
Meditation is a possibility, though I’ve tried that in the past and found it difficult to remain focussed. It may be a case of being distracted by the setting I’m in. I should probably try it with earplugs and an blindfold. The simple fact is that I don’t have a quiet mind (have since found these tips on meditation for beginners, and will be putting them into practice. -K[now])
This would seem to be a fitting end to my first Moleskine, an apparent expansion of awareness, however brief, which only hints at possible future states. The final goal being an imprint which alters aspects of my personality that I’m not happy with, namely my fear of being open and my anxiety around women I find attractive (and a couple of others that I’ve found since – K[now]). Changing these, and coupling it with as agnostic a perceptive filter as possible which allows as much of reality through as I can handle for conscious consideration. Rather than subconsciously and automatically filtering my experience of reality according to pre-programmed biases I want to be able to have some control over it.
Robert Anton Wilson talks in Cosmic Trigger (the first one I think. The ebook I downloaded is just called Cosmic Trigger and I’ve not been able to find the other two. – K[now]) about something he calls the metaprogrammer, and it is my goal to become my own metaprogrammer but not a part-time one. I want to perceive as much as I can and only filter what I choose to consciously.