Penultimate piece from Moleskine Volume I. Describing an experience I had which was quite something. Something unexpected and, I think, transcendental. Read on for my thoughts on it. (…)
This piece follows pretty directly on from the last one. I don’t start dating and numbering entries until the next book but it almost flows directly from the notes of the last piece into the more verbose prose of this one. It ties into the idea of thinking about the language we use and why we use it, and how it can be used to manipulate us. Language lies at worst, and only tells part of the truth at best. We have to trust each other to be honest about our experience of the universe, and be as honest as we can ourselves. As laid out in the last piece.
A brief intermission from the transcription of my first Moleskine to announce my participation in Movember.
Movember is also known as Men’s Health Awareness Month (Movember is catchier though) and seeks to raise awareness of, and money for, men’s health issues, specifically prostate and testicular cancer.
To achieve this, men all over the world will be growing a moustache, myself included. If you want to find out more, sign up to participate, or make a donation see my Mo Bro page.
Here’s a pic of The Mo, Day One:
Drop a comment if you’re a Mo Bro this year.
Another bit of thinking from what passes for a mind in this sack of meat and chemicals. It follows a line of reasoning I’ve been picking at for a while, which starts from the assumption that reality, as we experience it, is a construct of our nervous systems and associated senses which translates it’s chaos and terrifying glory into something we can comprehend. The first filter is the point of contact; our senses. We can only hear a limited range of sounds, and see a limited range of the electromagnetic spectrum, so our view of reality is already restricted. This data is then filtered through our unconscious minds and edited according to a whole slew of psychological factors which we were either born with (animal fight or flight instinct, territoriality) or had imprinted on us during our childhood (Basic morals and ethics, social conditioning). Finally, the language we use comes into play when we want to communicate our experience to others and they want to communicate theirs to us. We have to organise our thinking according to the rules (overt and unwritten) of that language. What we end up with is a picture of reality that is more revealing of ourselves than it is of real Reality.
So, this piece starts from the assumption that “Perception = Reality”, of which the inverse is not necessarily true, and forms the basis of an honest personal morality. We’ve no way of knowing unless we can experience it directly, without using our nervous systems and all the baggage they come with and forms the basis of an honest personal morality.
I have added and edited for clarity and to improve the flow, jotted as this was in short spurts between editing images of scary children’s nightlights it was rather disjointed, more like lecture notes than anything publishable. This is the first piece that I’ve done this for on any great scale, and I will inform you if I do it again to such a degree. Onwards!
If you’ve got me on Facebook then you’ll have seen this already, Included here for completeness.
Who Are You?
Who are you to tell me what to do?
You who takes so much more than your due.
The lies you tell are seen right through.
The world will rise and put an end to you.
Who are you to tell me what to say?
Your script; a bad morality play.
I’ll speak against you every day
We’ll get rid of you, we’ll find a way.
Who are you to tell me what to think?
When we’re all living life on the brink.
You believe to your level I’ll sink?
Well I don’t want to carry your stink.
Who are you to tell me how to live?
You do nothing but take and not give.
Is that something you think we’ll forgive?
Your time is a thing we’ll outlive.
Inspired by something that popped up in my FB feed. One of those ‘feel good’ posts that seek to lift the spirits and provide some perspective on the world, but which, more often than not, are simply sickly and saccharine and make me cringe. This one made me think though and prompted the writing of the following.
Something a bit meatier today, though still angst ridden and apprehensive. I wouldn’t want to change the habit of a lifetime now would I? It’s another long one. It comes from a period a couple of months ago when I was contemplating giving up, cutting myself off from the source of my feelings of angst and anxiety and just admitting defeat. I’ve decided that I’m not that cowardly (as the publication of these works will attest, little steps though xD). Read on for the meanderings of a soul, while tortured, realises that his issues are small beans in a big world and that others have far more pressing concerns.
Yes its another poem and it’s a long one this time. It’s almost a stream of consciousness (but of course it still rhymes, sorry again) and follows a line of thinking I got caught on for an epic fifty stanzas. I’ll totally understand if you don’t read it all. I’ve split it into pages, it’s that long and it’s the first of these new posts that has a “Read more…” link. So what are you waiting for?
Another poem, sorry. There’s ‘language’ and ‘adult’ themes in this one, be warned. It needs put to a tune I think, something dark and industrial. I am working on that though, stay tuned.
I want to say so you can hear.
I want to tell you not to fear.
I want to taste you on my lips.
I want to wrap you round my hips.
This wanting ties me up in knots.
Thinking I don’t have a shot.
I want to feel you in my arms.
I want to bask here in your charms.
I want to hold your life and spark.
I want to screw you in a park.
This wanting stabs me, twists the knife.
And leaves my world bereft of life.
I want to know you inside out.
I want someone to dream about.
I want to hear you gasp my name,
With pleasure, never once in pain.
I want to have your total trust,
And make you scream my name in lust.
But what I want is nothing
If you don’t want it too.
And what I need’s not obvious
It’s kept hidden from view.
So what I have is worthless
When what I want is you.
And what I want means sweet fuck all
If you don’t want it too.
A truly honest exchange (of anything, ideas, goods, services, phone numbers ;D) can only happen between equals.
Because inequality fundamentally means that one party will be trying to get something from the other, while the other will be trying to retain the thing that the first party wants. It’s about dominance and submission (don’t read that too literally, its unconscious, involuntary and nothing to do with S&M). The submissive party will be trying to attain dominance, while the dominant party will be trying to retain their dominant position. This is messy, because each individual will consider themselves the dominant one (consciously, at least) .
Anyway, keeping things simple, Each party has something to gain from, or lose to, the other in an unequal exchange . Each party will be trying to gain an advantage over the other, whether consciously or not, and that gain will, in an unequal exchange, be at the cost of the the other party. It’s the mistaken perception that this is a zero-sum game that lies at the heart of this. “In order for me to win, someone else must lose”
Because of this mindset (unconsious remember, you won’t even be aware of it) that no exchange between parties who consider themselves unequal can ever be truly honest. Each will lie, dissemble, mislead, and obfuscate in order to get what they want, because that’s the social conditioning that holds sway over everything they do.
In any interaction it is worth remembering that each party does not have to lose anything in order for each party to come away with what they wanted. Only then can a truly honest exchange take place. Honesty and openness are fundamental to a harmonious existence, both with yourself and with the rest of the world. Dishonesty distorts how you perceive the world and how others perceive you.